Welcome and About

the picture consist of articles on bullying, I...

Image via Wikipedia

Dear Reader,

If you are here because you are being bullied then I’m sorry for what you are going through. The experience can be traumatic for adults like it frequently is for children. Please know that you are not alone and there is hope. This isn’t your fault, at all.

Bullying has gotten a lot of attention in the main stream media recently. Primarily, the attention has been on bullying in schools and on college campuses. But, our rates of bullying in workplaces are comparable to the statistics of bullying in schools and universities. The reason that we have this pandemic problem with bullying in schools and on campuses is because we are a society of adults who ignore and partake in bullying and victim blaming. The problem isn’t the children.

The most common motive for sexual harassment is professional jealousy. It’s one of the most common motives for workplace abuse, or bullying, also. When I had just turned thirty a manager became threatened by me professionally.. What he did to me was a combination of bullying and harassment.

This happened to me at an extremely reputable firm in one of the most progressive cities in the world. Everyone on the management team had reasonable knowledge of the abuse. It isn’t my opinion that it’s a company’s responsibility to handle sexual harassment if they have reasonable knowledge of it, its law.

Instead of adhering to law they actively damaged my reputation. Unfortunately, it is common for the target or victims reputation to be more badly damaged than the perpetrators.

Mobbing is bullying by a group. Often, one bully starts the abuse but many others partake. It’s common for bullying by a group and victim blaming to be interwoven.

While this was happening to me it was apparent that every party involved counted on my silence. Then I was surprised by that. When I learned that settlements are typically contingent on the victim or survivors silence it made more sense. When I learned that if a target of harassment or bullying tells the truth about what happened then they open themselves to a liable or slander suit it made even more sense.

It’s impossible that the mainstream media could cover all instances of harassment or workplace bullyingbecause there are so many of them. Most people don’t want to wait five years for a court date. As long as survivors and victims remain silent these types of abuse will continue to be common place. According to the Harvard Business Review blog we can’t get workplace abuse under control without creating accountability for the bullies. This model is effective at creating accountability without exposing me legally.

Frequently individuals remain silent out of fear of retaliation by a large company and fear of damaging future employment opportunities. This model would be as effective under a pseudonym as it is under a real name. Unless the main stream media is involved then PR is unlikely to get involved.

My goal here is creating a model that the average individual can use in order to have a voice. It’s effective at holding workplace bullies accountable for their abusive behavior. It’s effective at holding the company responsible for neglect. It’s effective at stopping mobbing, or bullying by a group, and victim blaming. It’s effective at correcting unjust damage to a victim’s reputation. This model makes it safer for individuals to speak!

With workplace bullying and sexual harassment silence is the norm.

As long as silence is the norm these types of abuse will continue to remain common place.

Let’s speak!

Best regards,

Alise Kobre

 

To: My Former Employer ~ Don’t worry, this is only nearly impossible! :-D

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied and harassed. It’s told in a series of open letters.

You once made the observation that if you could somehow get any, “impossible client” in front of me then they would be my, “loyal client for life.”

The same thing kind of pertained to seemingly impossible situations. If it seemed impossible then it would land on my desk or be delegated to me. And that was fine. I always enjoyed the challenge. It was one of my favorite parts of the job actually.

So, what happened hit the point of fifth stage mobbing as defined by Heinz Leymann. There currently isn’t, or wasn’t, an effective solution for getting damage to the victims reputation and the abusive behavior within a professional community under control.

This has a lot to do with the fact that if mobbing hits that point then the target is probably suffering from PTSD. Since there is no effective way to remove ones self from the situation it typical causes a traumatic stress breakdown. A traumatic stress breakdown is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation and not an indication of serious mental illness. But, it looks a lot like serious mental illness and is nearly as debilitating if untreated.

In a nut shell, it’s fairly easy to get away with branding someone as insane while they are effectively insane. And, this phenomenon is quite well researched. Extremely abusive individuals, or bullies, want to cause their target a breakdown. They actually derive satisfaction from hurting others. It’s a power trip for them, like with sex offenders.

I’ll be extremely specific about what he was doing. His body language, tone of voice and language were so threatening and intimidating that if a man were interacting with another man that way one would reasonably think that matters were about to hit the point of physical violence. He was also making repeated references to my personal and specifically sexual history. I don’t know what he is or isn’t capable of but he intended to terrify me. It wasn’t an accident, it was completely intentional.

Anyway, there currently isn’t an effective solution for getting fifth stage mobbing under control. But, I’m of the opinion that it’s only nearly impossible.

Wish me luck! 😀

About “Workplace Issues” and Mob Psychology

“Workplace Issues” is based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters. I address the bully as well as individuals who partook in mobbing, or bullying by a group.

Mob psychology can only be maintained when the individuals in the group feel no sense of personal accountability. When I execute on this I’ll send all of the letters to the parties whom I’m referencing, as well as a link to the site. That should be effective at creating accountability.

It’s likely that it will take them out of their comfort zone with mobbing because they will be concerned about what others think!

I’ll specify that this combine with the letter addressed to the team sent to the entire professional community should be effective! It’s the combination of the two!

To my Mentor: You see in others what is true of yourself! (language warning)

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

The perpetrator saw someone who was, “manipulative…gross, full of shit” and, “immature.”

He also saw someone who was, “Willing to say or do anything to anyone to and hurt them to get what (I) want.”

You saw someone who is, “special and can create.”

You see in others what is true of yourself!

Stop fourth and fifth phase mobbing as defined by Heinz Leymann ~ It’s only nearly impossible! ~ And, I’d love to help…

“The first phase (of mobbing) is usually an unresolved, festering conflict. This triggers aggressive acts and hostile communications in a second phase. In a third phase, management may become involved, i.e. the level of interactions increases, and often, at that point, the target is being slandered or, in the worst case scenario and in the fourth phase, may be branded as mentally ill. This can then lead to the final chapter: expulsion. All that may very well be a tragic outcome of deliberate office politics, but it may also be thoughtlessness and a terrible lack of empathy.” ~ Dr. Noa Davenport

I’m working with the phases of mobbing as defined by Heinz Leymann and articulated by Dr. Noa Davenport. It’s worthy of note that Wikipedia defines this as stage three. Regardless of how stages are quantified researchers agree that distinct phases of mobbing, or bullying by a group, exist. I’ll add that I’m focusing on workplace abuse here. In the fifth stage of mobbing the targets professional reputation is almost always ruined. Currently, it’s considered impossible to fix that damage. Typically the target must relocate or change professions, if not both! This is completely unacceptable!

In order to be effective at correcting damage to their reputation the target must be effective at holding the perpetrator accountable for their behavior. This isn’t mean or confrontational, at all. According to the Harvard Business Review blog we can’t get workplace abuse under control without holding the perpetrators accountable. Moreover, these people reoffend. It’s saving someone else’s mental health and reputation! It’s a good deed and the more ethical course of action!

In the fourth phase of mobbing bullies and employers, frequently they are the same person, create a zero sum game. Either the target is mentally ill or the bully and their cohorts have caused a state of duress that may well have caused a mental breakdown. This zero sum game is easily won, provided the target is healthy again.

Naturally, it will be important to address slander as well. That’s simple. It’s only a matter of addressing it directly. Gossip is almost always inherently irrational.

Severely abusive individuals almost always project their severe emotional problems onto their targets. It’s intuitive that the aggressor is the one with the emotional problems. It’s inherently irrational to trust an abusive individual’s analysis of their victim’s character, period. But people do it. Address both directly!

Bullies count on secrecy and fear. As soon as they are held accountable and the silence is gone, their power is gone. Now, some are potentially physically violent and honestly I’m concerned about that in this case but it makes sense to use discretion there and also confront the possibility directly. It’s ideal to threaten to press charges.

They will try to say that it was a unique and unfortunate series of circumstances. Sometimes victim’s who are in denial come to that conclusion of their own volition. It isn’t true. Address it in advance. These patterns are well researched.

There are two components to handling the abusive behavior by a group. One is to confront each individual publically but without naming their name or position if it distinguishes them, unless they are a decision maker. All decision makers have to be confronted by title. I illustrate how to do this in “Workplace Issues” and in the open letters addressed to decision makers, all of which will be sent publically. The second is confronting the mob mentality. I’m writing a separate instruction page on that.

This is a real situation and I personally was harassed and bullied. The abuse counted as assault as well. It caused post traumatic stress disorder. This is a test model.

I intended to create a model that anyone could duplicate. It’s actually a model that a management professional can duplicate.

For now, anyone who wants to duplicate this please contact me.

I’ll be happy to help for free.

Bullying Intervention

Please see the pages above or the section below marked bullying intervention.

To the Perpetrator: Regarding your accusation of “bad hygiene.”

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

On the night that you let me go you accused me of having, “bad hygiene.”

I was breaking into cold sweats because I was having a traumatic stress breakdown caused by you.

It is so disturbing that this could happen at a company founded by a woman and with a team that is predominantly female.

To: The Woman Who Thinks That I Was Trying to Steal From Her

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

I did not try to steal from you. I was used to an environment in which office computers were shared and that is candidly common. It was also common for us to bring friends to the office since the general public was walking in and out of the office all day anyway. My friend switched to a lap top computer because she was trying to get on to match dot com, which was blocked on the office computers.

If I expressed any remorse I would be faking it. I was already having a traumatic stress breakdown at that point in time. It was extremely obvious that I was being abused. You represent a firm founded by a woman and a team that is predominately female. Not only did no one try to help me, you all made it easy for him to get away with it. This is deeply disturbing.

I don’t feel that I owe anyone there an apology for anything, except the agent who I didn’t train. Even then I tried to keep my word but was afraid that the perpetrator might retaliate in the form of physical violence.