Chris Brown’s reputation seems ruined!

Well, on Power 100.1, the Athens top 40 station the DJ just mentioned Chris Brown tweeting about completing his court ordered domestic violence course. The DJ’s voice was contemptuous toward Chris Brown. I don’t think that this DJ is the voice of decent, at all.

Is it possible that we are at a tipping point of being past victim blaming?

 

Bullying Intervention

Please see the pages above or the section below marked bullying intervention.

To my Mentor: The Troops are Getting Fired Up!

Be Excited

Image via Wikipedia

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

I was chatting with someone who is enthusiastic about my plan earlier today. Obviously, I can’t say who but she is a reputable member of the community. She said something along the lines of, “get those” people!

Naturally, I’m paraphrasing.

I’m excited about my project.

I suppose that a normal person would be afraid.

But, I’m excited!

To the Perpetrator: Regarding your accusation of “bad hygiene.”

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

On the night that you let me go you accused me of having, “bad hygiene.”

I was breaking into cold sweats because I was having a traumatic stress breakdown caused by you.

It is so disturbing that this could happen at a company founded by a woman and with a team that is predominantly female.

To: The Woman Who Thinks That I Was Trying to Steal From Her

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

I did not try to steal from you. I was used to an environment in which office computers were shared and that is candidly common. It was also common for us to bring friends to the office since the general public was walking in and out of the office all day anyway. My friend switched to a lap top computer because she was trying to get on to match dot com, which was blocked on the office computers.

If I expressed any remorse I would be faking it. I was already having a traumatic stress breakdown at that point in time. It was extremely obvious that I was being abused. You represent a firm founded by a woman and a team that is predominately female. Not only did no one try to help me, you all made it easy for him to get away with it. This is deeply disturbing.

I don’t feel that I owe anyone there an apology for anything, except the agent who I didn’t train. Even then I tried to keep my word but was afraid that the perpetrator might retaliate in the form of physical violence.

To The Woman Who Says That She Witnessed me Attempting Theft: Careless and Socially Irresponsible

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

Here is the bottom line; virtually everyone on that team had reasonable knowledge that I was being abused. Despite that the vast majority of you decided to trust his analysis of my character. This is an excellent example of a low team E-IQ. And, that night you informed me that, “no one…believed anything that (I) said” and, “saw through it.”

I seriously doubt that you are capable of understanding this but I would never speak to another human being the way that you spoke to me that night. It isn’t about who they are it’s about who I am.

The next day the manager who abused me asked me if she was, “someone who I picked up in a bar?”

The above has an obvious sexual connotation. That certainly was not his first inappropriate statement. The truth is that she is from an affluent Jewish family and went to Rutgers University. I had known her for years. I had celebrated holidays with her family and she had celebrated holidays with my family. I told the manager who abused me this but I consider it likely that the information was not relayed. Moreover I said, “If you want to accuse me of theft call the police.”

I handled that correctly despite the fact that I was having a traumatic stress breakdown.

If anyone had actually cared if the allegation was true they would have checked the search history on the computer and checked to see if any files had been opened. No one did. Match dot com is blocked on the office computers, or was then. My friend was extremely anxious to know if she had a date. This is hardly criminal.

The perpetrator was looking for a way to discredit me completely. If he felt confident that no one would believe me then he could continue the abuse. My licensed therapist specializes in trauma. A woman fearing for her safety for a prolonged period of time can be as traumatic as rape and that is what happened to me. To put this in perspective when I relayed my experience to a former journalist he said, “It sounds like you are lucky that you got out of there before something happened.”

Sexual assault is about control rather than desire. According to RAINN one in six women are raped in America. They usually know their attacker and these crimes happen at all socio-economic levels. Given his inappropriate and abusive behavior my concern was extremely reasonable. I do not become afraid for my physical safety easily at all. Either he is potentially violent or he inflicted a state of duress intentionally. The other option is that he cannot control his own emotions and which is immaterial.

Retaliation is unethical but it is ethical to hold individuals accountable for their actions. To say that the firm and the team handled this poorly is an understatement.

For future reference kindness is a virtue. It is also a leadership skill and a strength in business.

To the Perpetrator: For the last time, the answer is yes!

My mentor warned me that as soon as you began managing me in a traditional fashion I would, “feel it” and it would, “hurt.”

Within less than a week of becoming affiliated with the firm I said to you, “I do not like the way that you are managing me. I know how to do that for myself.”

You replied by asking if my mentor had taught me to manage myself. I replied, “Yes it’s an important rule that” he made in the year that I met him. “I do that for other people but no one does that for me. I do not like it and if you do not stop then I will not stay!”

You ended the meeting abruptly. Once we were visible to other parties you said to me, “Go ahead, it will be okay.”

You acted as if you were reassuring me because I was insecure professionally or socially.

The truth is that I had said yet another thing that threatened you professionally.

For the last time, the answer is yes. He taught me to manage myself as defined by Peter F Drucker, the single most respected management theorist who ever lived.

I can see why you would feel threatened by that. But it isn’t an excuse for abusive behavior, at all.

And, you didn’t operate within confines of law!

To the Perpetrator: Well, since you went there!

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

You had absolutely no business referencing my personal and specifically sexual history, ever! But, since you went there in the second summer that I represented the firm at which I learned management I briefly dated a third year law student at the most reputable university in the area. He made the observation that I seemed to know the same concepts that the MBA’s did but simply not know the terminology for them! I can reference the theroists now.

Again, you had no place going into my personal life, at all. But, it’s what men who are threatened by women professionally have done for years and traditionally get away with.

Times are changing!

To the Firms Founder: Low class right? Times change! (language warning)

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

The language that I’m using on my blog is low class, right? I have a nasty newsflash for you. My generation sees classism with distaste like your generation saw racism and sexism with distaste. Obviously we still have problems racism and sexism, this situation being an excellent example of the latter, but honestly, someone from my generation will crack the fuck up!

There is a second factor here and its victim blaming. That used to be the norm in situations like this and to some degree still is. But, Amnesty International is calling for the silence around violence against women to be broken. Victim blaming is quickly becoming socially unacceptable and there is also a lot of respect for women not remaining silent at this point in time. Times change!

To my Mentor: I want to tell you a secret! (language warning)

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

There is something *fucking* wrong with most of those people! Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone that I said that! 😀