Bullying Intervention

Please see the pages above or the section below marked bullying intervention.

To the Perpetrator: Regarding your accusation of “bad hygiene.”

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

On the night that you let me go you accused me of having, “bad hygiene.”

I was breaking into cold sweats because I was having a traumatic stress breakdown caused by you.

It is so disturbing that this could happen at a company founded by a woman and with a team that is predominantly female.

Welcome!

Welcome to this site! Guest posts are extremely welcome. If it’s coherent and legal we will post it. Anyone who would like to volunteer is welcome. Please let us know what you would like to contribute. Feedback about anything at all is welcome! These are complex social issues and ideas are extremely welcome as well! Thanks for stopping by and we hope that this is informative and helpful!

Sincerely,

Alise Kobre and Team Members

EndTheSilenceToEndTheViolence@gmail.com

RIP Gay Victims of Abuse: Will YOU Wear Purple on October 20th? (via Helleneste kai Grammateus)

Wear Purple on October 20th please!

RIP Gay Victims of Abuse: Will YOU Wear Purple on October 20th? This post follows a previous article on Tyler Clemente Dead at 18: Teasing and Bullying Teenagers is an Epidemic.  Please click there before continuing… Tyler Clemente wasn’t the only recent teenage victim of persecution for being gay.  There was also Asher Brown (an 8th grader who shot himself in the head after suffering abuse by othe … Read More

via Helleneste kai Grammateus

Hey peeps, this is a letter of apology.

Dedicated To: Hendric, Morgan and Ashleig

Hey peeps, this is a letter of apology. You were owed a world in which you all can live your lives safely and in peace. Less than fifty percent of you will inherit that. The horrifying truth for those of you who are female is that one in five of you will experience sexual assault or attempted sexual assault in college. You will find a legal system that will not provide you with justice. You are likely to find that your university is more concerned about protecting its reputation than your human rights. They might even try to silence you about the tragedy. Almost all of you will be the target of gender based disrespect or love someone who is. I am extremely sorry that we let you down.

This sounds like a digression but it isn’t. I was in high school during the nineties. Before the nineties gay and lesbian rights were virtually unheard of. Open disrespect of gays and lesbians was completely socially acceptable. Prior to the nineties it was dangerous for people to be openly gay because they might become the target of violent hate crimes and they had little to no legal recourse. They lived in fear. I know that it’s hard to imagine now, but it’s true.

There was a lot of activism for gay and lesbian rights during the nineties. Probably the most important part of that was the One in Ten Movement. I was a part of that one. There were three things that I loved about it. A friend of mine is a lesbian so I was helping someone who I love. Also, I was creating important social change. This is the mind blowing one. What you had to do to be a part of the One in Ten Movement was *almost nothing!*

So, I’m creating a model that doesn’t cut into your time for enjoying life because we want to keep our priorities straight! All that you had to do to be a part of that movement was learn to recognize homophobia and correct it when you saw it. And, back then it was so common and intrinsic to the culture that our gay and lesbian friends had to coach us on it and explain it to us. However, it’s now 2010 so I’m just including video clips. When we heard homophobic comments we had to say something like, “I have a lesbian friend and I really don’t appreciate that.” Obviously, around ten percent of you will need to be a little more motivated than that. But, I want to make this as simple and easy for most of you as it was for me.

Thoreau writes that, “Wisdom is not gained but lost with age.” It’s similar to Jay-Z’s, “Forever Young.” Warren Bennis, the world’s authority on leadership, observes that leaders see what, “could be” rather than what is. There is another group who is capable, willing to, and excited about seeing what could be. It’s you! It’s one of the wisdoms that Thoreau refers to. I hope that you all will keep it for the rest of your lives. And I hope that you will use that wisdom today. Obviously, some of you will need to do a little extra work, but for about ninety percent of you creating real social change is as simple as watching a few short video clips and making a few simple decisions.

A world in which one is physically safe and treated with respect is a birthright.

Go claim your birthright!

To the Perpetrator: If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound?

Rubik's Cube in scrambled state

Image via Wikipedia

You isolated my three biggest strengths as creative problem solving skills, communication skills and consultation skills. You were praising my creative problem skills. Systematically giving approval for creative problem solving won’t strengthen those skills at all. The only way to teach creative problem solving is by setting an example of seeing problems as opportunities. Anything else is ineffective.

You represented a reputable firm when I met you. That firm is a nationwide name in real estate. Business consultants were attempting to teach agents to apply a certain innovation. Indecently, the fact that pricing appropriately and doing the basics of marketing and consultation well is considered an innovation is bizarre, but I digress. Anyway, you had no confidence in your ability to apply that material and you did have confidence in my ability to apply it. Obviously, you had absolutely no business trying to teach me anything about communication or consultation. You should have been asking me questions!

Here is an underlying problem with all of your selections. None of these are specific skills. They are all skill sets. You build the skill sets one skill at a time. You are doing a process that most people can’t feel in a way that is completely ineffective.

If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound?

By the way, the answer is no.

Why should I talk about abuse?

Yea, neither do I. But, as long as sexual assault, sexual harassment and domestic violence are shrouded in silence they will continue to be common place. We have to talk about them in order to make them stop! The exact same principle applies for bullying in schools, on college campuses and workplaces!

Besides, we are doing it in such a way that we are demanding social change.

That aspect of it can be a lot of fun!

Can I make jokes about sex and be a team member?

'Dunkle Feinstrumpfhose'

Image via Wikipedia

Of course! I make jokes about sex also! Check out my posts tagged comedy. There are plenty of references to sex, I promise. This isn’t about never referencing sex in a workplace or eliminating female sexuality, *at all*, quite the opposite, actually.

It’s about respect of boundaries and eliminating gender based disrespect. Don’t worry, we will keep the humor and eliminate the hate! 😀

This isn’t my problem.

Domestic violence against woman.

Image via Wikipedia

One in five women is sexually assaulted during her academic career. One in six is assaulted in America and approximately one in three in the world community. One in three women in America will be the target of domestic abuse, and, approximately one in three the target of harassment. These are human rights violations and public health issues. This is *everyone’s* problem!

The good news is, *everyone* can be part of the solution.

What is a gender based hate crime?

"North Hampton is a Domestic violence fre...

Image via Wikipedia

Crimes based on minority status are hate crimes. Not every instance of domestic violence or sexual assault is a hate crime.

Men can be assaulted and can be victims of domestic violence.

But, in America one in six women experience rape or attempted rape and only one in thirty-three men are assaulted. Eighty-five percent of victims of domestic violence are female. Naturally statistics throughout the world vary. These aren’t simply women’s issues. They are human rights violations and public health issues.

I want to make this crystal clear. The feelings and experience of a man who has been assaulted or abused by a partner are absolutely as valid as a woman’s. But, when numbers are this disproportionate it’s reasonable to conclude that the majority of these crimes are based on gender and are hate crimes.

Unfortunately, it’s still common for us to blame the female survivors of sexual assault and domestic abuse. Many states still consider physical violence that could endanger ones partner’s life a misdemeanor. Despite the fact that forty percent of all rapes and assaults are reported only six percent of rapists ever spend a day in jail. And they usually reoffend. Clearly, our society and legal system isn’t taking these matters seriously. While statistics vary throughout the world community these challenges are common.

There is no distinction between women’s rights and human rights. It’s unacceptable for any and all societies within the world community, including America, to allow human rights violations and ignore hate crimes. It’s immoral for any of us to consider it the victims fault for becoming the target of a hate crime.

As long as sexual assault and domestic abuse are shrouded in silence they will continue. Please take twenty minutes and join our team. We don’t need your money or your time. We need your voice.

In breaking this silence and preventing these hate crimes every voice matters, including yours.