OMFG, you are right!

In the summer that we parted company you said to me, “You are so (exploitive) naïve Cobra!”

You were accurate. One of my biggest weaknesses is corrected now!

But, it isn’t quite that simple. Someone with the qualities that the perpetrator has can frequently manipulate and lie to even experienced executives effectively. This concept is covered in “Snakes In Suits” published by Harper Collins Business Press. There was someone who you employed for several months that followed the same patterns. You finally terminated his employment at my firm recommendation. Later you marveled that you had missed it for so long. I only missed it for a few months also. But, people like that are frequently potentially violent, or at least capable of threatening violence so effectively that it causes a state of duress. Henceforth, my traumatic stress breakdown that it took three years to recover from. That guy is sick and scary!

By the way, he is going to feel like he did nothing wrong. And whatever line of BS he comes up with he will believe. But, the chances of his telling exactly the same story more than once are quite slim.

That is exactly why I didn’t see it or feel it at first!

Edited on December 25th, 2010.

Quick note to readers: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.


To the Perpetrator: If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound?

Rubik's Cube in scrambled state

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You isolated my three biggest strengths as creative problem solving skills, communication skills and consultation skills. You were praising my creative problem skills. Systematically giving approval for creative problem solving won’t strengthen those skills at all. The only way to teach creative problem solving is by setting an example of seeing problems as opportunities. Anything else is ineffective.

You represented a reputable firm when I met you. That firm is a nationwide name in real estate. Business consultants were attempting to teach agents to apply a certain innovation. Indecently, the fact that pricing appropriately and doing the basics of marketing and consultation well is considered an innovation is bizarre, but I digress. Anyway, you had no confidence in your ability to apply that material and you did have confidence in my ability to apply it. Obviously, you had absolutely no business trying to teach me anything about communication or consultation. You should have been asking me questions!

Here is an underlying problem with all of your selections. None of these are specific skills. They are all skill sets. You build the skill sets one skill at a time. You are doing a process that most people can’t feel in a way that is completely ineffective.

If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound?

By the way, the answer is no.

Why should I talk about abuse?

Yea, neither do I. But, as long as sexual assault, sexual harassment and domestic violence are shrouded in silence they will continue to be common place. We have to talk about them in order to make them stop! The exact same principle applies for bullying in schools, on college campuses and workplaces!

Besides, we are doing it in such a way that we are demanding social change.

That aspect of it can be a lot of fun!

Can I make jokes about sex and be a team member?

'Dunkle Feinstrumpfhose'

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Of course! I make jokes about sex also! Check out my posts tagged comedy. There are plenty of references to sex, I promise. This isn’t about never referencing sex in a workplace or eliminating female sexuality, *at all*, quite the opposite, actually.

It’s about respect of boundaries and eliminating gender based disrespect. Don’t worry, we will keep the humor and eliminate the hate! 😀

This isn’t my problem.

Domestic violence against woman.

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One in five women is sexually assaulted during her academic career. One in six is assaulted in America and approximately one in three in the world community. One in three women in America will be the target of domestic abuse, and, approximately one in three the target of harassment. These are human rights violations and public health issues. This is *everyone’s* problem!

The good news is, *everyone* can be part of the solution.

What is a gender based hate crime?

"North Hampton is a Domestic violence fre...

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Crimes based on minority status are hate crimes. Not every instance of domestic violence or sexual assault is a hate crime.

Men can be assaulted and can be victims of domestic violence.

But, in America one in six women experience rape or attempted rape and only one in thirty-three men are assaulted. Eighty-five percent of victims of domestic violence are female. Naturally statistics throughout the world vary. These aren’t simply women’s issues. They are human rights violations and public health issues.

I want to make this crystal clear. The feelings and experience of a man who has been assaulted or abused by a partner are absolutely as valid as a woman’s. But, when numbers are this disproportionate it’s reasonable to conclude that the majority of these crimes are based on gender and are hate crimes.

Unfortunately, it’s still common for us to blame the female survivors of sexual assault and domestic abuse. Many states still consider physical violence that could endanger ones partner’s life a misdemeanor. Despite the fact that forty percent of all rapes and assaults are reported only six percent of rapists ever spend a day in jail. And they usually reoffend. Clearly, our society and legal system isn’t taking these matters seriously. While statistics vary throughout the world community these challenges are common.

There is no distinction between women’s rights and human rights. It’s unacceptable for any and all societies within the world community, including America, to allow human rights violations and ignore hate crimes. It’s immoral for any of us to consider it the victims fault for becoming the target of a hate crime.

As long as sexual assault and domestic abuse are shrouded in silence they will continue. Please take twenty minutes and join our team. We don’t need your money or your time. We need your voice.

In breaking this silence and preventing these hate crimes every voice matters, including yours.

Politics & controversial topics.

Human Rights

Image by h de c via Flickr

I personally am a liberal and a third wave feminist. Sexual assault and other gender based hate crimes are a moral outrage regardless of ones political or religious views.

There are plenty of things that we can disagree on. But, the only people who actually want to see these crimes continue are the perpetrators themselves. We can all agree on that, I hope!

Typically liberals get credit for working for women’s rights. I know of one conservative Christian church in Atlanta that is doing excellent work at rescuing sex slaves and preventing human trafficking. I know of another one that is helping poor people, including sex workers who were coerced into the industry and are frequently addicted to drugs. There is excellent work being done on both sides of the political arena.

Moreover, it’s apparent that we have extremely serious issues with bullying in schools and on campuses. This isn’t just an LBGT problem. Bullying can cause post traumatic stress disorder regardless of the nature of the abuse. We also have problems with bullying and abuse be it gender based or not, in our work places. The reason that we have this pandemic problem with bullying in schools is because we are a society of adults who ignore and partake in bullying and victim blaming. This is the fault of adults, not children.

This site and this project isn’t about pro-choice or pro-life, Democrat or Republican or liberal or conservative. It’s about human rights, being a team at preventing hate crimes and making sure that survivors of hate crimes are treated with dignity, respect and have a voice!

Every Voice Matters

A teal ribbon, which is an awareness ribbon fo...

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With sexual harassment, sexual assault and work place abuse silence is the norm. With gender based hate crimes silence is the norm. Silence cannot create social change, ever. The norm is completely unacceptable.

As Bennis observes in his work “Transparency” it is nearly impossible to suppress information now. These usually are not actually instances of he said and she said – or he said and he said – but instances of all of the parties who do have reasonable knowledge being complicit and unwilling to speak.

This is a model that most victims of severe harassment or bullying could duplicate effectively. It holds the perpetrator accountable for their behavior. It holds the company responsible for neglect. It’s effective at correcting unjust damage to a victim’s reputation.

This is a real situation and I personally was assaulted. The company acted with gross neglect and flagrant disregard for law. Unfortunately, this is still common with gender based hate crimes. It happens in work places and universities.

Companies, intuitions and perpetrators count on the victim’s silence. It’s the new millennium, let’s speak!

In preventing gender based hate crimes and breaking the silence around them every voice matters, including yours!

Dear people who know me personally,

Lady Gaga holding a speech at National Equalit...

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Well, only people who know me personally are reading this right now so, hi guys. Here is the drill. I don’t have a vendetta against the perpetrator of the abuse *at all.* Abusive people are miserable anyway.

One of my primary issues here is that the reputable firm involved acted with gross neglect and blatant disregard for law. Unfortunately this gross neglect and disregard for law is extremely common when it comes to abuse of women in work places and universities. These institutions are counting on the victim’s silence. Frequently women do remain silent and it’s out of fear of retaliation.

Often women fear retaliation by the PR office. I’m addressing PR here but this model by passes PR. Unless the company is named in the main stream media PR will do nothing. I’ll make that clear in my modified about page or how to section.

By the way, I’ll lose the pseudonym when I execute on the project. It’s for my own safety for now. I’ll be cleaning up my Face Book page and keeping it at a PG rating as well. But, it’s worthy of note that this would be equally effective with a pseudonym. Moreover, all content is copy written on any blog and any URL can become an error 404! 😀

Now, most of you or all of you know that I’m a feminist. For anyone who doesn’t know I’m in the third-wave camp biased on age and views on sexuality. Lady Gaga is a third wave feminist. We are sex positive, pro sex workers rights and anti man bashing or hating. If you have any questions about that, ask me.

The US Department of Health and Human Services includes severe harassment in the definition of sexual assault. Since what happened to me caused PTSD it qualifies. RAINN is pointing out that most instances of rape and sexual assault are hate crimes. The legislation that Obama passed in 2008 makes many crimes against women hate crimes legally. They always were ethically. If this wouldn’t have happened to me if I were male, and it wouldn’t have, then it’s a hate crime.

The company involved tried to cover this up. They actively damaged my reputation and did everything within their power to suppress the truth. The way that I see it, I was the target of a hate crime and a large company tried to silence me. I have an excellent sense of humor in general but I’m not amused over this, at all.

What happened to me in that regard is disturbingly common. Women are frequently silenced. This is an ethical, legal and effective way of exposing the truth. And, as long as women remain silent these types of abuse will remain disturbingly common.

Many of you know that my spelling is remarkably bad. Any help with copy editing is welcome. I was debilitated by nightmares and flashbacks during the years that social networking became main stream. I’m purchasing a few books to get myself caught up. Help in that regard is welcome. This is under a pseudonym so feel free to FB and Tweet but it’s probably better to do that once I have the site more organized.

Naturally, feedback about anything at all is extremely welcome. You have all been wonderfully supportive so far and I’m deeply appreciative. – Much Love!