Welcome and About

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Dear Reader,

If you are here because you are being bullied then I’m sorry for what you are going through. The experience can be traumatic for adults like it frequently is for children. Please know that you are not alone and there is hope. This isn’t your fault, at all.

Bullying has gotten a lot of attention in the main stream media recently. Primarily, the attention has been on bullying in schools and on college campuses. But, our rates of bullying in workplaces are comparable to the statistics of bullying in schools and universities. The reason that we have this pandemic problem with bullying in schools and on campuses is because we are a society of adults who ignore and partake in bullying and victim blaming. The problem isn’t the children.

The most common motive for sexual harassment is professional jealousy. It’s one of the most common motives for workplace abuse, or bullying, also. When I had just turned thirty a manager became threatened by me professionally.. What he did to me was a combination of bullying and harassment.

This happened to me at an extremely reputable firm in one of the most progressive cities in the world. Everyone on the management team had reasonable knowledge of the abuse. It isn’t my opinion that it’s a company’s responsibility to handle sexual harassment if they have reasonable knowledge of it, its law.

Instead of adhering to law they actively damaged my reputation. Unfortunately, it is common for the target or victims reputation to be more badly damaged than the perpetrators.

Mobbing is bullying by a group. Often, one bully starts the abuse but many others partake. It’s common for bullying by a group and victim blaming to be interwoven.

While this was happening to me it was apparent that every party involved counted on my silence. Then I was surprised by that. When I learned that settlements are typically contingent on the victim or survivors silence it made more sense. When I learned that if a target of harassment or bullying tells the truth about what happened then they open themselves to a liable or slander suit it made even more sense.

It’s impossible that the mainstream media could cover all instances of harassment or workplace bullyingbecause there are so many of them. Most people don’t want to wait five years for a court date. As long as survivors and victims remain silent these types of abuse will continue to be common place. According to the Harvard Business Review blog we can’t get workplace abuse under control without creating accountability for the bullies. This model is effective at creating accountability without exposing me legally.

Frequently individuals remain silent out of fear of retaliation by a large company and fear of damaging future employment opportunities. This model would be as effective under a pseudonym as it is under a real name. Unless the main stream media is involved then PR is unlikely to get involved.

My goal here is creating a model that the average individual can use in order to have a voice. It’s effective at holding workplace bullies accountable for their abusive behavior. It’s effective at holding the company responsible for neglect. It’s effective at stopping mobbing, or bullying by a group, and victim blaming. It’s effective at correcting unjust damage to a victim’s reputation. This model makes it safer for individuals to speak!

With workplace bullying and sexual harassment silence is the norm.

As long as silence is the norm these types of abuse will continue to remain common place.

Let’s speak!

Best regards,

Alise Kobre

 

To: The Team Members Who Partook If you want to continue, you may. But it’s a poor reflection on you.

Sexual harassment

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Clearly, you all are the aggressors. I was just trying to live my life in peace. Clearly, you all aligned yourselves with a bully and laughed while another woman was having a traumatic stress breakdown due to sexual harassment. This isn’t behavior to be proud of.

Typically I ignore gossip. But, when it’s so hateful and damaging that it affects ones professional reputation it becomes slander. I had to address that and it was ethical for me to do so.

You may not use your own hateful statements, erroneous assumptions and half truths as an excuse for treating me in an abusive fashion in the future, period. There is no excuse for abusive behavior.

The person next to me is also doing it isn’t an acceptable excuse for abuse, either.

Now, if you want to continue with your immature gossip because you are that deeply insecure, you may.

But, it’s a poor reflection on your selves and not me!

Note: While you all are receiving this as a mass email it is also a post at the site “Stop Mobbing, Bullying and Harassment.” Moreover, hard copies of these posts have been sent to home addresses or PO Boxes of all parties copied. As Warren Bennis points out in “Transparency” it’s nearly impossible to suppress information now. And, bullies and large companies aren’t fairing so well in the media recently. The full copy list is attached.

 

To: The Team Members Involved ~ Exactly what is the difference between you and the girls that bullied Phobe Prince to death, except age?

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There is absolutely no excuse for abusive behavior, at all. Even if I was a petty thief and the perpetrators analysis of my character was accurate it just isn’t an excuse for abusive behavior, period. And, it would stand to reason that he had a motive to damage my reputation. You all actually trusted his analysis of my character blindly. Most people would be simply shocked by that. Personally, I’m not because I understand how a mob mentality works. It’s inherently irrational and unethical.

Is it rational to trust the perpetrator of any nature of severe abuse about the character and actions of their target or victim? Just in case you all want to suffer from a convenient case of confusion the answer is no.

The perpetrators attacks on my character were a combination of fabrications and his projections. Severely abusive individuals almost always project their own emotional problems onto their target or victim. It’s intuitive that someone capable of that level of abuse has serious emotional problems and is lacking in integrity.

In cases of mobbing, or bullying by a group, accusations of theft and drug addiction are common. I was accused of attempted theft. The first former journalist who I discussed this with used the phrase, “Obviously trumped up.”

I’ll explain exactly what’s wrong with this. First of all, the bully clearly has a motive. Second of all, the mob mentality had already set in so the witness does also. Third of all my friend was typing on a computer rather than packing it up. A quick search history would have revealed that she had visited Match dot com. She switched from an office computer to a lap top because Match was blocked on the office computers. I can understand someone taking issue with this but calling it criminal is ridiculous.

In order for an accusation of attempted theft to have any credibility at all someone has to be accused of trying to steal something. Exactly what was I accused of trying to steal?

I understand that during my brief and unfortunate affiliation with that firm you all gossiped about the fact that there was, “something weird” about the fact that my meetings with the perpetrator were, “so frequent.”

Since you all considered me to be attractive and considered him to be having a mid life crisis the implication was sexual harassment, period. It was impossible to miss the fact that I was in a state of duress and impossible to miss the cause. I was even breaking into cold sweats whenever the perpetrator came near me. Instead of trying to help you all gossiped, laughed and par took in the abuse, including but not limited to accusing me of having bad hygiene.

The reason that our meetings were so frequent is that the perpetrator was refusing my respectful resignation by intimidating my physically and referencing me personal and specifically sexual history. This was wrongful termination as well as sexual harassment. Needless to say, I don’t want the position back!

Severe workplace abuse be it harassment, bullying or a combination there of almost always causes post traumatic stress disorder. It can cause heart conditions as well. PTSD always creates some risk of suicide. Candidly, I did almost kill myself at one point.

Every last one of you who was affiliated with the firm at that point in time knew about the bullying and harassment. All of you knew that I had suffered a breakdown because of it.

It was intuitive that it was a breakdown due to abuse rather than a psychotic breakdown. You all knew the truth. And exactly what did you do about it?

You all ran around gossiping, laughing about it and calling me names like the mean girls at South Hadley High, didn’t you?

Note: While you all are receiving this as a mass email it is also a post at the site “Stop Mobbing, Bullying and Harassment.” Moreover, hard copies of these posts have been sent to home addresses or PO Boxes of all parties copied. As Warren Bennis points out in “Transparency” it’s nearly impossible to suppress information now. And, bullies and large companies aren’t fairing so well in the media recently. The full copy list is attached.

 

To: The Team at the Firm Where I Was Bullied, Harassed and Assaulted

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Quick Preface: This is one way to stop work place bullying and harassment. Bullying has gotten a lot of attention in the main stream media lately. Technically speaking the word for bullying by a group is mobbing. Regardless of what it’s called, it’s immoral and insidious. It can be traumatic and cause suicide. The first three paragraphs go into my personal situation. The last five paragraphs would be effective at stopping most instances of workplace bullying and harassment. Paragraphs four and five address bullying. Paragraphs six and seven are about harassment. The last paragraph pertains to either or both. When I execute on this project I’ll e-mail the entire professional community. Not just the team, but the entire professional community. It should be effective at stopping bullying by a group, or mobbing, and victim blaming.

To: The Team at the Firm Where I Was Bullied, Harassed and Assaulted

We are about to have a Legally Blonde moment and then a lesson in ethics. The perpetrator did not hire me because I am attractive, he hired me because I am competent. He abused me because he felt threatened by me professionally and that is the most common motive for harassment and one of the three most common motives for workplace abuse, or bullying. Your assumption was extremely chauvinistic. Moreover, if that had been the case then I still would have been the victim and the behavior of the team was socially irresponsible.

I hope that you all enjoyed running around and explaining how the perpetrator’s employment had been terminated due to his “having a mid-life crisis,” “bad emotional problems” and, “making bad judgments” including but not limited to having hired an agent who was, “possibly insane” because she was “attractive”, meaning me. Watch how quickly this can be turned around on you. This might end up in the mainstream media and I’m attractive.

Also, I’m speaking truth to power in one of the most progressive and educated cities in the world. There is a copious amount of evidence to support the fact that I am telling the truth, including your own statements. You can either acknowledge the situation or retaliate. Heads I win, tails I win. I hope that you will all think long and hard about being cruel to someone whom you perceive as powerless in the future. It isn’t behavior to be proud of.

Moreover, it’s extremely apparent that we have a serious challenge with bullying in schools and on college campuses. This affects the LGBTQ community disproportionately, but severe abuse of any nature can cause post traumatic stress disorder. That condition almost always creates some risk of suicide. Not everyone recovers from it and it can be permanently debilitating. It can prevent someone from living a healthy, happy life and thriving. It mitigates one’s capacity to love.

I’ll explain exactly why we have this pandemic problem with bullying in schools and colleges. It’s because we are a society of adults who ignore and partake in bullying and victim blaming.

One in three women in America is harassed. The effects of harassment range from mild humiliation to post traumatic stress disorder. One in five female undergraduates is the victim or survivor of sexual assault or attempted sexual assault. This is true at Ivy’s and local junior colleges. The way that the majority of you behaved made it easier for the perpetrator to get away with abusing me and an even more painful and humiliating experience.

Most of you have daughters and nieces. It isn’t a question of if something like this will happen to some of them it is a question of when. The decisions that you make within your lifetime define the world that you leave to your children.

I hope that you all will conduct yourselves in an ethical and mature manner from this point forward.

 

To: My Former Employer ~ I hope that you know that this is true!

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied and harassed. It’s told in a series of open letters.

How’s it going? Alright, in my interview with the perpetrator he asked me about the firm. I said that I, “loved it” and “loved the team.”

Anything else that I said was within that context. Bullies and predatory individuals love taking matters out of context. It’s one of their favorite tricks. So, I’m setting the record straight in case there is any confusion.

I hope that you are well!


Stop fourth and fifth phase mobbing as defined by Heinz Leymann ~ It’s only nearly impossible! ~ And, I’d love to help…

“The first phase (of mobbing) is usually an unresolved, festering conflict. This triggers aggressive acts and hostile communications in a second phase. In a third phase, management may become involved, i.e. the level of interactions increases, and often, at that point, the target is being slandered or, in the worst case scenario and in the fourth phase, may be branded as mentally ill. This can then lead to the final chapter: expulsion. All that may very well be a tragic outcome of deliberate office politics, but it may also be thoughtlessness and a terrible lack of empathy.” ~ Dr. Noa Davenport

I’m working with the phases of mobbing as defined by Heinz Leymann and articulated by Dr. Noa Davenport. It’s worthy of note that Wikipedia defines this as stage three. Regardless of how stages are quantified researchers agree that distinct phases of mobbing, or bullying by a group, exist. I’ll add that I’m focusing on workplace abuse here. In the fifth stage of mobbing the targets professional reputation is almost always ruined. Currently, it’s considered impossible to fix that damage. Typically the target must relocate or change professions, if not both! This is completely unacceptable!

In order to be effective at correcting damage to their reputation the target must be effective at holding the perpetrator accountable for their behavior. This isn’t mean or confrontational, at all. According to the Harvard Business Review blog we can’t get workplace abuse under control without holding the perpetrators accountable. Moreover, these people reoffend. It’s saving someone else’s mental health and reputation! It’s a good deed and the more ethical course of action!

In the fourth phase of mobbing bullies and employers, frequently they are the same person, create a zero sum game. Either the target is mentally ill or the bully and their cohorts have caused a state of duress that may well have caused a mental breakdown. This zero sum game is easily won, provided the target is healthy again.

Naturally, it will be important to address slander as well. That’s simple. It’s only a matter of addressing it directly. Gossip is almost always inherently irrational.

Severely abusive individuals almost always project their severe emotional problems onto their targets. It’s intuitive that the aggressor is the one with the emotional problems. It’s inherently irrational to trust an abusive individual’s analysis of their victim’s character, period. But people do it. Address both directly!

Bullies count on secrecy and fear. As soon as they are held accountable and the silence is gone, their power is gone. Now, some are potentially physically violent and honestly I’m concerned about that in this case but it makes sense to use discretion there and also confront the possibility directly. It’s ideal to threaten to press charges.

They will try to say that it was a unique and unfortunate series of circumstances. Sometimes victim’s who are in denial come to that conclusion of their own volition. It isn’t true. Address it in advance. These patterns are well researched.

There are two components to handling the abusive behavior by a group. One is to confront each individual publically but without naming their name or position if it distinguishes them, unless they are a decision maker. All decision makers have to be confronted by title. I illustrate how to do this in “Workplace Issues” and in the open letters addressed to decision makers, all of which will be sent publically. The second is confronting the mob mentality. I’m writing a separate instruction page on that.

This is a real situation and I personally was harassed and bullied. The abuse counted as assault as well. It caused post traumatic stress disorder. This is a test model.

I intended to create a model that anyone could duplicate. It’s actually a model that a management professional can duplicate.

For now, anyone who wants to duplicate this please contact me.

I’ll be happy to help for free.

Let’s end the silence to end the violence!

With sexual harassment, sexual assault and bullying in schools and workplaces silence is the norm. With gender based and sexual orientation based hate crimes silence is the norm. Silence cannot create social change, ever. The norm is completely unacceptable.

As Warren Bennis, one of the world’s authorities on leadership, observes in his work “Transparency” it is nearly impossible to suppress information now. These usually are not actually instances of he said and she said, he said and he said or she said she said but instances of all of the parties who do have reasonable knowledge being complicit and unwilling to speak.

Unfortunately our social norm is to turn a blind eye and consider the abuse to simply not be our problem. This happens with bullying in schools, on college campuses and at workplaces. It happens with violence against women be it harassment, assault or domestic violence. It happens when individuals are targeted based on race religion and sexual orientation also. As long as it is socially acceptable and considered normal behavior to observe abuse complicity and par-take in victim blaming tragedies such as the recent series of suicides* will be common place.

There have been more suicides that we don’t know about than we do.

Included in this site is a model that most victims of severe harassment or bullying could duplicate effectively. It holds the perpetrator accountable for their behavior. It holds the institution responsible for neglect. It’s effective at correcting unjust damage to a victim’s reputation by exposing the truth and putting a stop to victim blaming.

This is a real situation and I personally was assaulted. The company acted with gross neglect and flagrant disregard for law. Unfortunately, this is still common with gender based hate crimes and bullying.  It happens in work places and universities.  Companies, intuitions and perpetrators count on the victim’s silence. Let’s speak!

Until very recently most people were unaware of the high coloration between bullying and suicide. This doesn’t just happen in schools and on campuses. It also happens in work places. We know that there are adult suicides for the same reason. Work place abuse can cause post traumatic stress disorder and suicidal urges are a common symptom of PTSD. Unhealthy and unsafe places of education and work are unacceptable.

Unfortunately, it isn’t possible to end all abuse. It’s absolutely possible to have a zero tolerance policy toward abusive behavior of any nature in any one environment. We know this because it’s been done successfully by many companies and universities.

Moreover, these are public health risks that many people are unaware of. Confident and assertive individuals are at a higher risk for work place abuse than others. Frequently, bullies and predatory individuals are motivated by jealousy. One of my goals is to prevent this from happening to others. Please take a moment to review the section categorized, “Early Warning Signs” and forward it to your friends and family.

In preventing hate crimes, violence against women and suicides due to bullying every voice matters, including yours! One person cannot break this silence or create change but as a team we can. Please take twenty minutes to join our team.

We don’t need your money or your time, we need your voice!