To: The Team Members Who Partook If you want to continue, you may. But it’s a poor reflection on you.

Sexual harassment

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Clearly, you all are the aggressors. I was just trying to live my life in peace. Clearly, you all aligned yourselves with a bully and laughed while another woman was having a traumatic stress breakdown due to sexual harassment. This isn’t behavior to be proud of.

Typically I ignore gossip. But, when it’s so hateful and damaging that it affects ones professional reputation it becomes slander. I had to address that and it was ethical for me to do so.

You may not use your own hateful statements, erroneous assumptions and half truths as an excuse for treating me in an abusive fashion in the future, period. There is no excuse for abusive behavior.

The person next to me is also doing it isn’t an acceptable excuse for abuse, either.

Now, if you want to continue with your immature gossip because you are that deeply insecure, you may.

But, it’s a poor reflection on your selves and not me!

Note: While you all are receiving this as a mass email it is also a post at the site “Stop Mobbing, Bullying and Harassment.” Moreover, hard copies of these posts have been sent to home addresses or PO Boxes of all parties copied. As Warren Bennis points out in “Transparency” it’s nearly impossible to suppress information now. And, bullies and large companies aren’t fairing so well in the media recently. The full copy list is attached.

 

Chris Brown’s reputation seems ruined!

Well, on Power 100.1, the Athens top 40 station the DJ just mentioned Chris Brown tweeting about completing his court ordered domestic violence course. The DJ’s voice was contemptuous toward Chris Brown. I don’t think that this DJ is the voice of decent, at all.

Is it possible that we are at a tipping point of being past victim blaming?

 

Stop fourth and fifth phase mobbing as defined by Heinz Leymann ~ It’s only nearly impossible! ~ And, I’d love to help…

“The first phase (of mobbing) is usually an unresolved, festering conflict. This triggers aggressive acts and hostile communications in a second phase. In a third phase, management may become involved, i.e. the level of interactions increases, and often, at that point, the target is being slandered or, in the worst case scenario and in the fourth phase, may be branded as mentally ill. This can then lead to the final chapter: expulsion. All that may very well be a tragic outcome of deliberate office politics, but it may also be thoughtlessness and a terrible lack of empathy.” ~ Dr. Noa Davenport

I’m working with the phases of mobbing as defined by Heinz Leymann and articulated by Dr. Noa Davenport. It’s worthy of note that Wikipedia defines this as stage three. Regardless of how stages are quantified researchers agree that distinct phases of mobbing, or bullying by a group, exist. I’ll add that I’m focusing on workplace abuse here. In the fifth stage of mobbing the targets professional reputation is almost always ruined. Currently, it’s considered impossible to fix that damage. Typically the target must relocate or change professions, if not both! This is completely unacceptable!

In order to be effective at correcting damage to their reputation the target must be effective at holding the perpetrator accountable for their behavior. This isn’t mean or confrontational, at all. According to the Harvard Business Review blog we can’t get workplace abuse under control without holding the perpetrators accountable. Moreover, these people reoffend. It’s saving someone else’s mental health and reputation! It’s a good deed and the more ethical course of action!

In the fourth phase of mobbing bullies and employers, frequently they are the same person, create a zero sum game. Either the target is mentally ill or the bully and their cohorts have caused a state of duress that may well have caused a mental breakdown. This zero sum game is easily won, provided the target is healthy again.

Naturally, it will be important to address slander as well. That’s simple. It’s only a matter of addressing it directly. Gossip is almost always inherently irrational.

Severely abusive individuals almost always project their severe emotional problems onto their targets. It’s intuitive that the aggressor is the one with the emotional problems. It’s inherently irrational to trust an abusive individual’s analysis of their victim’s character, period. But people do it. Address both directly!

Bullies count on secrecy and fear. As soon as they are held accountable and the silence is gone, their power is gone. Now, some are potentially physically violent and honestly I’m concerned about that in this case but it makes sense to use discretion there and also confront the possibility directly. It’s ideal to threaten to press charges.

They will try to say that it was a unique and unfortunate series of circumstances. Sometimes victim’s who are in denial come to that conclusion of their own volition. It isn’t true. Address it in advance. These patterns are well researched.

There are two components to handling the abusive behavior by a group. One is to confront each individual publically but without naming their name or position if it distinguishes them, unless they are a decision maker. All decision makers have to be confronted by title. I illustrate how to do this in “Workplace Issues” and in the open letters addressed to decision makers, all of which will be sent publically. The second is confronting the mob mentality. I’m writing a separate instruction page on that.

This is a real situation and I personally was harassed and bullied. The abuse counted as assault as well. It caused post traumatic stress disorder. This is a test model.

I intended to create a model that anyone could duplicate. It’s actually a model that a management professional can duplicate.

For now, anyone who wants to duplicate this please contact me.

I’ll be happy to help for free.

Let’s end the silence to end the violence!

With sexual harassment, sexual assault and bullying in schools and workplaces silence is the norm. With gender based and sexual orientation based hate crimes silence is the norm. Silence cannot create social change, ever. The norm is completely unacceptable.

As Warren Bennis, one of the world’s authorities on leadership, observes in his work “Transparency” it is nearly impossible to suppress information now. These usually are not actually instances of he said and she said, he said and he said or she said she said but instances of all of the parties who do have reasonable knowledge being complicit and unwilling to speak.

Unfortunately our social norm is to turn a blind eye and consider the abuse to simply not be our problem. This happens with bullying in schools, on college campuses and at workplaces. It happens with violence against women be it harassment, assault or domestic violence. It happens when individuals are targeted based on race religion and sexual orientation also. As long as it is socially acceptable and considered normal behavior to observe abuse complicity and par-take in victim blaming tragedies such as the recent series of suicides* will be common place.

There have been more suicides that we don’t know about than we do.

Included in this site is a model that most victims of severe harassment or bullying could duplicate effectively. It holds the perpetrator accountable for their behavior. It holds the institution responsible for neglect. It’s effective at correcting unjust damage to a victim’s reputation by exposing the truth and putting a stop to victim blaming.

This is a real situation and I personally was assaulted. The company acted with gross neglect and flagrant disregard for law. Unfortunately, this is still common with gender based hate crimes and bullying.  It happens in work places and universities.  Companies, intuitions and perpetrators count on the victim’s silence. Let’s speak!

Until very recently most people were unaware of the high coloration between bullying and suicide. This doesn’t just happen in schools and on campuses. It also happens in work places. We know that there are adult suicides for the same reason. Work place abuse can cause post traumatic stress disorder and suicidal urges are a common symptom of PTSD. Unhealthy and unsafe places of education and work are unacceptable.

Unfortunately, it isn’t possible to end all abuse. It’s absolutely possible to have a zero tolerance policy toward abusive behavior of any nature in any one environment. We know this because it’s been done successfully by many companies and universities.

Moreover, these are public health risks that many people are unaware of. Confident and assertive individuals are at a higher risk for work place abuse than others. Frequently, bullies and predatory individuals are motivated by jealousy. One of my goals is to prevent this from happening to others. Please take a moment to review the section categorized, “Early Warning Signs” and forward it to your friends and family.

In preventing hate crimes, violence against women and suicides due to bullying every voice matters, including yours! One person cannot break this silence or create change but as a team we can. Please take twenty minutes to join our team.

We don’t need your money or your time, we need your voice!

To my Mentor: I’m sorry, it’s the worst thing that I’ve said to anyone in my life!

Vector image of two human figures with hands i...

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You and I had a mentor-protégée relationship and not a romance. It was a touch confusing from the outside because we had a fair amount of casual sex. From the inside our relationship was extremely simple. We had a mentor-protégée relationship with benefits.

In the summer that we parted company you pointed out that you knew me like the back of your hand and that I knew you like the back of my hand. At that point in time you expressed concern that you were doing something that might have been hurting someone else. Then you said, “You can’t accept this can you?”

I told you that I couldn’t. I’m deeply sorry for that. It’s literally the worst thing that I have done in my life. I thought that I was being a strong person and a wise person. Truthfully, I was being a deeply unappreciative person and a fool.

As you know, a sales manager abused me. In this work I’m referring to him as, “The Perpetrator.” It’s interesting that I can define him as the perpetrator of sexual assault while defining myself as a survivor rather than a victim, isn’t it? But, I digress!

You also know that he was extremely threatened by me professionally and that his first move had been to try to manipulate me out of reinforcing my skill set at management. I’ll address why I didn’t feel it at first later. But, I did feel it enough to take control of the questions at one point. Candidly, immediately prior to that he had said, quite arrogantly, “Will you feel it? You might.”

At any rate, I took control of the questions and he got past me anyway, at least at first.

Honestly, he had to offer me a management position in order to get me to accept a position. On the night that we did the paper work he told me that he would promote me within three weeks. Within seventy-two hours he told me that he wouldn’t put me in a management position at all because he, “wanted” me, “focused on myself.”

When I offered my respectful resignation based on that he became horribly threatening and abusive.

I last saw him in person at his investment property the following summer. He was my client again at that point in time. I had accepted the listings with the specific caveat that we meet in person within seventy-two hours. I was going to end the relationship in that meeting, or attempt to again, and I thought that if I did it in person he might be respectful. I’m aware that my logic was completely irrational but it’s impossible to think clearly when one is suffering from nightmares and flashbacks, like I was at the time. Moreover, denial is quite common in these situations and I was suffering from it. As usual, he broke his word.

I met him by accident at his property. At that point in time I said that I thought that I would have been, “successful” at my position if I had been, “managing.”

He replied, “I agree with you.”

At that point in time he had asked me to go to another company, “do ten transactions and come back.”

I suggested that we end the “relationship respectfully” because we were, “not the right match professionally.”

Instead of acknowledging my statement he changed the topic by saying, “You’re big like me, I’ve seen you do it.”

He was referencing the point at which I took control of the questions.

In the following month he became so violently verbally abusive that three days later I suffered anxiety so severe that I had to call nine-one-one because I thought that I was having a heart attack. When the paramedics picked me up they thought that I had been attacked. When I told a paramedic that I had not he said, “I don’t believe you. But it’s okay, you will tell the doctors the truth.”

I notified him of this and he showed no remorse.

You taught me management. You taught me Drucker, Bennis and Kanter.

You taught me that what big people do is fix their mistakes and apologize.

Thank you for teaching me management!

Edited on December25th, 2010.

Quick note to readers: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.


OMFG, you are right!

In the summer that we parted company you said to me, “You are so (exploitive) naïve Cobra!”

You were accurate. One of my biggest weaknesses is corrected now!

But, it isn’t quite that simple. Someone with the qualities that the perpetrator has can frequently manipulate and lie to even experienced executives effectively. This concept is covered in “Snakes In Suits” published by Harper Collins Business Press. There was someone who you employed for several months that followed the same patterns. You finally terminated his employment at my firm recommendation. Later you marveled that you had missed it for so long. I only missed it for a few months also. But, people like that are frequently potentially violent, or at least capable of threatening violence so effectively that it causes a state of duress. Henceforth, my traumatic stress breakdown that it took three years to recover from. That guy is sick and scary!

By the way, he is going to feel like he did nothing wrong. And whatever line of BS he comes up with he will believe. But, the chances of his telling exactly the same story more than once are quite slim.

That is exactly why I didn’t see it or feel it at first!

Edited on December 25th, 2010.

Quick note to readers: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.


What is a gender based hate crime?

"North Hampton is a Domestic violence fre...

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Crimes based on minority status are hate crimes. Not every instance of domestic violence or sexual assault is a hate crime.

Men can be assaulted and can be victims of domestic violence.

But, in America one in six women experience rape or attempted rape and only one in thirty-three men are assaulted. Eighty-five percent of victims of domestic violence are female. Naturally statistics throughout the world vary. These aren’t simply women’s issues. They are human rights violations and public health issues.

I want to make this crystal clear. The feelings and experience of a man who has been assaulted or abused by a partner are absolutely as valid as a woman’s. But, when numbers are this disproportionate it’s reasonable to conclude that the majority of these crimes are based on gender and are hate crimes.

Unfortunately, it’s still common for us to blame the female survivors of sexual assault and domestic abuse. Many states still consider physical violence that could endanger ones partner’s life a misdemeanor. Despite the fact that forty percent of all rapes and assaults are reported only six percent of rapists ever spend a day in jail. And they usually reoffend. Clearly, our society and legal system isn’t taking these matters seriously. While statistics vary throughout the world community these challenges are common.

There is no distinction between women’s rights and human rights. It’s unacceptable for any and all societies within the world community, including America, to allow human rights violations and ignore hate crimes. It’s immoral for any of us to consider it the victims fault for becoming the target of a hate crime.

As long as sexual assault and domestic abuse are shrouded in silence they will continue. Please take twenty minutes and join our team. We don’t need your money or your time. We need your voice.

In breaking this silence and preventing these hate crimes every voice matters, including yours.

Politics & controversial topics.

Human Rights

Image by h de c via Flickr

I personally am a liberal and a third wave feminist. Sexual assault and other gender based hate crimes are a moral outrage regardless of ones political or religious views.

There are plenty of things that we can disagree on. But, the only people who actually want to see these crimes continue are the perpetrators themselves. We can all agree on that, I hope!

Typically liberals get credit for working for women’s rights. I know of one conservative Christian church in Atlanta that is doing excellent work at rescuing sex slaves and preventing human trafficking. I know of another one that is helping poor people, including sex workers who were coerced into the industry and are frequently addicted to drugs. There is excellent work being done on both sides of the political arena.

Moreover, it’s apparent that we have extremely serious issues with bullying in schools and on campuses. This isn’t just an LBGT problem. Bullying can cause post traumatic stress disorder regardless of the nature of the abuse. We also have problems with bullying and abuse be it gender based or not, in our work places. The reason that we have this pandemic problem with bullying in schools is because we are a society of adults who ignore and partake in bullying and victim blaming. This is the fault of adults, not children.

This site and this project isn’t about pro-choice or pro-life, Democrat or Republican or liberal or conservative. It’s about human rights, being a team at preventing hate crimes and making sure that survivors of hate crimes are treated with dignity, respect and have a voice!