To: My Former Employer ~ I’ll address this as well! (language warning)

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied and harassed. It’s told in a series of open letters.

Hey the piece of shit, or bully if one prefers, insinuated that you abused me as well.

Obviously, I never said that!

To: My Former Employer ~ Don’t worry, this is only nearly impossible! :-D

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied and harassed. It’s told in a series of open letters.

You once made the observation that if you could somehow get any, “impossible client” in front of me then they would be my, “loyal client for life.”

The same thing kind of pertained to seemingly impossible situations. If it seemed impossible then it would land on my desk or be delegated to me. And that was fine. I always enjoyed the challenge. It was one of my favorite parts of the job actually.

So, what happened hit the point of fifth stage mobbing as defined by Heinz Leymann. There currently isn’t, or wasn’t, an effective solution for getting damage to the victims reputation and the abusive behavior within a professional community under control.

This has a lot to do with the fact that if mobbing hits that point then the target is probably suffering from PTSD. Since there is no effective way to remove ones self from the situation it typical causes a traumatic stress breakdown. A traumatic stress breakdown is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation and not an indication of serious mental illness. But, it looks a lot like serious mental illness and is nearly as debilitating if untreated.

In a nut shell, it’s fairly easy to get away with branding someone as insane while they are effectively insane. And, this phenomenon is quite well researched. Extremely abusive individuals, or bullies, want to cause their target a breakdown. They actually derive satisfaction from hurting others. It’s a power trip for them, like with sex offenders.

I’ll be extremely specific about what he was doing. His body language, tone of voice and language were so threatening and intimidating that if a man were interacting with another man that way one would reasonably think that matters were about to hit the point of physical violence. He was also making repeated references to my personal and specifically sexual history. I don’t know what he is or isn’t capable of but he intended to terrify me. It wasn’t an accident, it was completely intentional.

Anyway, there currently isn’t an effective solution for getting fifth stage mobbing under control. But, I’m of the opinion that it’s only nearly impossible.

Wish me luck! 😀

To: My Former Employer ~ I hope that you know that this is true!

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied and harassed. It’s told in a series of open letters.

How’s it going? Alright, in my interview with the perpetrator he asked me about the firm. I said that I, “loved it” and “loved the team.”

Anything else that I said was within that context. Bullies and predatory individuals love taking matters out of context. It’s one of their favorite tricks. So, I’m setting the record straight in case there is any confusion.

I hope that you are well!


To: My Former Employer ~ I never thanked you for this!

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied and harassed. It’s told in a series of open letters.

When you initially purchased the firm you were completely unaware that the founder had been teaching me management. In fact you specified that I seemed to need an unusual amount of help with my work. You explained that you wouldn’t necessarily keep me on if I continued to need so much help. ROLF!

Anyway, shortly there after the founder explained that he had taught me management. You and I studied English. He studied Business. For whatever reason he taught us traditional theory without having us read the theory. At any rate, at one point you told me that the original founder of the firm, “told” you “that he had taught” me “to manage myself and told” you “why.”

You told me that it was fine for me to stay at the firm and continue training agents. The theorist on that is Drucker, by the way. There is something that I almost explained to you at the time but didn’t. I didn’t know why I managed myself.

I’ll explain exactly how this happened. As you know the original founder of the firm and I had a mentor-protégée relationship. You probably recall the fact that he very much loved to pick on me.

Early on in my training he made a joke. It was, “Manage yourself for long enough, manage my office for free, train yourself to be the best rental agent in” the city “and someday little Cobra I’ll teach you big important things.”

I didn’t get the joke. When I didn’t get the joke he thought that it was hysterical and put a lot of energy into keeping the joke going.

In fact, about a year after you purchased the firm I explained to him that I had been successful at completing my tasks and that we should probably move on to important things. He laughed and said, “Do it longer.”

About a year later I said, “I have realized that you will never teach me anything but that’s okay I still like you anyway.”

In the following year he realized that the Bully-Perpetrator entity had lied to me during the interview process with the specific intent of manipulating me out of reinforcing my skill set at management. He was extremely distraught.

The he said, “Think hard, why do you manage yourself!?!”

I still didn’t get the joke. Actually, it was during my traumatic stress breakdown that the punch line dawned on me. I swear to God this could have only happened to me!

Anyway, I didn’t know that you were always operating with the assumption that I would start my own firm. I knew that I was operating with the assumption that it was a possibility. But I didn’t know that you knew that.

In retrospect I realize that it’s why you never gave me a formal position as manager. And, while I resented it at the time, you were right.

So, I wanted to say thank you.

 


To my Mentor: You see in others what is true of yourself! (language warning)

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

The perpetrator saw someone who was, “manipulative…gross, full of shit” and, “immature.”

He also saw someone who was, “Willing to say or do anything to anyone to and hurt them to get what (I) want.”

You saw someone who is, “special and can create.”

You see in others what is true of yourself!

To my Mentor: The Troops are Getting Fired Up!

Be Excited

Image via Wikipedia

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

I was chatting with someone who is enthusiastic about my plan earlier today. Obviously, I can’t say who but she is a reputable member of the community. She said something along the lines of, “get those” people!

Naturally, I’m paraphrasing.

I’m excited about my project.

I suppose that a normal person would be afraid.

But, I’m excited!

To the Perpetrator: Regarding your accusation of “bad hygiene.”

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

On the night that you let me go you accused me of having, “bad hygiene.”

I was breaking into cold sweats because I was having a traumatic stress breakdown caused by you.

It is so disturbing that this could happen at a company founded by a woman and with a team that is predominantly female.

To: The Woman Who Thinks That I Was Trying to Steal From Her

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

I did not try to steal from you. I was used to an environment in which office computers were shared and that is candidly common. It was also common for us to bring friends to the office since the general public was walking in and out of the office all day anyway. My friend switched to a lap top computer because she was trying to get on to match dot com, which was blocked on the office computers.

If I expressed any remorse I would be faking it. I was already having a traumatic stress breakdown at that point in time. It was extremely obvious that I was being abused. You represent a firm founded by a woman and a team that is predominately female. Not only did no one try to help me, you all made it easy for him to get away with it. This is deeply disturbing.

I don’t feel that I owe anyone there an apology for anything, except the agent who I didn’t train. Even then I tried to keep my word but was afraid that the perpetrator might retaliate in the form of physical violence.

To The Woman Who Says That She Witnessed me Attempting Theft: Careless and Socially Irresponsible

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

Here is the bottom line; virtually everyone on that team had reasonable knowledge that I was being abused. Despite that the vast majority of you decided to trust his analysis of my character. This is an excellent example of a low team E-IQ. And, that night you informed me that, “no one…believed anything that (I) said” and, “saw through it.”

I seriously doubt that you are capable of understanding this but I would never speak to another human being the way that you spoke to me that night. It isn’t about who they are it’s about who I am.

The next day the manager who abused me asked me if she was, “someone who I picked up in a bar?”

The above has an obvious sexual connotation. That certainly was not his first inappropriate statement. The truth is that she is from an affluent Jewish family and went to Rutgers University. I had known her for years. I had celebrated holidays with her family and she had celebrated holidays with my family. I told the manager who abused me this but I consider it likely that the information was not relayed. Moreover I said, “If you want to accuse me of theft call the police.”

I handled that correctly despite the fact that I was having a traumatic stress breakdown.

If anyone had actually cared if the allegation was true they would have checked the search history on the computer and checked to see if any files had been opened. No one did. Match dot com is blocked on the office computers, or was then. My friend was extremely anxious to know if she had a date. This is hardly criminal.

The perpetrator was looking for a way to discredit me completely. If he felt confident that no one would believe me then he could continue the abuse. My licensed therapist specializes in trauma. A woman fearing for her safety for a prolonged period of time can be as traumatic as rape and that is what happened to me. To put this in perspective when I relayed my experience to a former journalist he said, “It sounds like you are lucky that you got out of there before something happened.”

Sexual assault is about control rather than desire. According to RAINN one in six women are raped in America. They usually know their attacker and these crimes happen at all socio-economic levels. Given his inappropriate and abusive behavior my concern was extremely reasonable. I do not become afraid for my physical safety easily at all. Either he is potentially violent or he inflicted a state of duress intentionally. The other option is that he cannot control his own emotions and which is immaterial.

Retaliation is unethical but it is ethical to hold individuals accountable for their actions. To say that the firm and the team handled this poorly is an understatement.

For future reference kindness is a virtue. It is also a leadership skill and a strength in business.

To the Perpetrator: For the last time, the answer is yes!

My mentor warned me that as soon as you began managing me in a traditional fashion I would, “feel it” and it would, “hurt.”

Within less than a week of becoming affiliated with the firm I said to you, “I do not like the way that you are managing me. I know how to do that for myself.”

You replied by asking if my mentor had taught me to manage myself. I replied, “Yes it’s an important rule that” he made in the year that I met him. “I do that for other people but no one does that for me. I do not like it and if you do not stop then I will not stay!”

You ended the meeting abruptly. Once we were visible to other parties you said to me, “Go ahead, it will be okay.”

You acted as if you were reassuring me because I was insecure professionally or socially.

The truth is that I had said yet another thing that threatened you professionally.

For the last time, the answer is yes. He taught me to manage myself as defined by Peter F Drucker, the single most respected management theorist who ever lived.

I can see why you would feel threatened by that. But it isn’t an excuse for abusive behavior, at all.

And, you didn’t operate within confines of law!