To: The Team Members Who Partook If you want to continue, you may. But it’s a poor reflection on you.

Sexual harassment

Image via Wikipedia

Clearly, you all are the aggressors. I was just trying to live my life in peace. Clearly, you all aligned yourselves with a bully and laughed while another woman was having a traumatic stress breakdown due to sexual harassment. This isn’t behavior to be proud of.

Typically I ignore gossip. But, when it’s so hateful and damaging that it affects ones professional reputation it becomes slander. I had to address that and it was ethical for me to do so.

You may not use your own hateful statements, erroneous assumptions and half truths as an excuse for treating me in an abusive fashion in the future, period. There is no excuse for abusive behavior.

The person next to me is also doing it isn’t an acceptable excuse for abuse, either.

Now, if you want to continue with your immature gossip because you are that deeply insecure, you may.

But, it’s a poor reflection on your selves and not me!

Note: While you all are receiving this as a mass email it is also a post at the site “Stop Mobbing, Bullying and Harassment.” Moreover, hard copies of these posts have been sent to home addresses or PO Boxes of all parties copied. As Warren Bennis points out in “Transparency” it’s nearly impossible to suppress information now. And, bullies and large companies aren’t fairing so well in the media recently. The full copy list is attached.

 

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What Do Victims Do to Make Mobbing Worse?

I’m writing this post with exactly this title because I’ve noticed that a handful of people have found my site searching with variations of this question. The answer is nothing!

It doesn’t matter what excuses the bully or members of the mob make. They will always blame their own abusive behavior on their victim. No one is a perfect person, including targets of bullying and mobbing.

Abuse is the responsibility of the abuser, period. 

 

To my Mentor: You see in others what is true of yourself! (language warning)

Quick preface: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.

The perpetrator saw someone who was, “manipulative…gross, full of shit” and, “immature.”

He also saw someone who was, “Willing to say or do anything to anyone to and hurt them to get what (I) want.”

You saw someone who is, “special and can create.”

You see in others what is true of yourself!

Stop fourth and fifth phase mobbing as defined by Heinz Leymann ~ It’s only nearly impossible! ~ And, I’d love to help…

“The first phase (of mobbing) is usually an unresolved, festering conflict. This triggers aggressive acts and hostile communications in a second phase. In a third phase, management may become involved, i.e. the level of interactions increases, and often, at that point, the target is being slandered or, in the worst case scenario and in the fourth phase, may be branded as mentally ill. This can then lead to the final chapter: expulsion. All that may very well be a tragic outcome of deliberate office politics, but it may also be thoughtlessness and a terrible lack of empathy.” ~ Dr. Noa Davenport

I’m working with the phases of mobbing as defined by Heinz Leymann and articulated by Dr. Noa Davenport. It’s worthy of note that Wikipedia defines this as stage three. Regardless of how stages are quantified researchers agree that distinct phases of mobbing, or bullying by a group, exist. I’ll add that I’m focusing on workplace abuse here. In the fifth stage of mobbing the targets professional reputation is almost always ruined. Currently, it’s considered impossible to fix that damage. Typically the target must relocate or change professions, if not both! This is completely unacceptable!

In order to be effective at correcting damage to their reputation the target must be effective at holding the perpetrator accountable for their behavior. This isn’t mean or confrontational, at all. According to the Harvard Business Review blog we can’t get workplace abuse under control without holding the perpetrators accountable. Moreover, these people reoffend. It’s saving someone else’s mental health and reputation! It’s a good deed and the more ethical course of action!

In the fourth phase of mobbing bullies and employers, frequently they are the same person, create a zero sum game. Either the target is mentally ill or the bully and their cohorts have caused a state of duress that may well have caused a mental breakdown. This zero sum game is easily won, provided the target is healthy again.

Naturally, it will be important to address slander as well. That’s simple. It’s only a matter of addressing it directly. Gossip is almost always inherently irrational.

Severely abusive individuals almost always project their severe emotional problems onto their targets. It’s intuitive that the aggressor is the one with the emotional problems. It’s inherently irrational to trust an abusive individual’s analysis of their victim’s character, period. But people do it. Address both directly!

Bullies count on secrecy and fear. As soon as they are held accountable and the silence is gone, their power is gone. Now, some are potentially physically violent and honestly I’m concerned about that in this case but it makes sense to use discretion there and also confront the possibility directly. It’s ideal to threaten to press charges.

They will try to say that it was a unique and unfortunate series of circumstances. Sometimes victim’s who are in denial come to that conclusion of their own volition. It isn’t true. Address it in advance. These patterns are well researched.

There are two components to handling the abusive behavior by a group. One is to confront each individual publically but without naming their name or position if it distinguishes them, unless they are a decision maker. All decision makers have to be confronted by title. I illustrate how to do this in “Workplace Issues” and in the open letters addressed to decision makers, all of which will be sent publically. The second is confronting the mob mentality. I’m writing a separate instruction page on that.

This is a real situation and I personally was harassed and bullied. The abuse counted as assault as well. It caused post traumatic stress disorder. This is a test model.

I intended to create a model that anyone could duplicate. It’s actually a model that a management professional can duplicate.

For now, anyone who wants to duplicate this please contact me.

I’ll be happy to help for free.

Anti Bullying and Harassment Legislation in Texas and New Jersey!

I’m usually not on the same side as the Lone Star state politically, but this is exciting! Senator Wendy Davis has introduced new legislation that sounds great. First of all, she specifies training for teachers. Dealing with bullying isn’t simple, at all. Expecting that professional teachers and principles know how to deal with it intuitively is unfair and ineffective. The legislation specifies no retaliation against victims and witnesses. It includes off campus and cyber bullying. Off campus bullying was okay, why?

Best of all, in severe cases the bully can be transferred to a different school. Currently law states that victims can be transferred! WTF!

The details on NJ’s proposed laws are a touch more nebulous. Or, not as well reported on in this article. But, it’s anti bullying legislation that may well pass!

Welcome!

Welcome to this site! Guest posts are extremely welcome. If it’s coherent and legal we will post it. Anyone who would like to volunteer is welcome. Please let us know what you would like to contribute. Feedback about anything at all is welcome! These are complex social issues and ideas are extremely welcome as well! Thanks for stopping by and we hope that this is informative and helpful!

Sincerely,

Alise Kobre and Team Members

EndTheSilenceToEndTheViolence@gmail.com

OMFG, you are right!

In the summer that we parted company you said to me, “You are so (exploitive) naïve Cobra!”

You were accurate. One of my biggest weaknesses is corrected now!

But, it isn’t quite that simple. Someone with the qualities that the perpetrator has can frequently manipulate and lie to even experienced executives effectively. This concept is covered in “Snakes In Suits” published by Harper Collins Business Press. There was someone who you employed for several months that followed the same patterns. You finally terminated his employment at my firm recommendation. Later you marveled that you had missed it for so long. I only missed it for a few months also. But, people like that are frequently potentially violent, or at least capable of threatening violence so effectively that it causes a state of duress. Henceforth, my traumatic stress breakdown that it took three years to recover from. That guy is sick and scary!

By the way, he is going to feel like he did nothing wrong. And whatever line of BS he comes up with he will believe. But, the chances of his telling exactly the same story more than once are quite slim.

That is exactly why I didn’t see it or feel it at first!

Edited on December 25th, 2010.

Quick note to readers: “Workplace Issues” is a work of creative nonfiction based on my true story of being bullied. It’s told in a series of open letters.